As Time Goes By...

 

Much time has passed since my last post, many different events have transpired, both good and bad.

I have lost nine friends over the years, five to suicide. The frequency has almost been a friend a year. The crappy thing? None of them were taken by combat. It hurts having a void left over, they were all unique in their own way so when you think they can be replaced by someone else, form a new friendship (or strengthen a remaining friendship), they really can't. One was an English teacher and he had his own insights and suggestions. One was a Recon Marine, a large soft-spoken King Leonidas-esque individual who had his own security company (of which I was a part for almost five years). One was a warrior in every sense of the word; a Marine, a Soldier, and a Contractor, who wrote poetry to balance the hard, grittiness of war and struggles with a soft, serene artisanship and a respect for life. One was an entrepreneur who owned a blade shop and maintained a local radio show, which he invited me to be a guest on but I never got the chance due to his stage four cancer. Some of these friends hailed from a different profession, some cut from the same cloth. All lived their own lives and had their own perspectives on existence. In this life, they will never call me or text me again, I won't hear their laughs or have a drink with them, enjoy food with them. I still have the phone numbers of a few of them in my phonebook, and at times I'm scrolling through trying to find a number and I see their names. The void left by them will never be filled, and I can---and have---filled the time of my day or week or month with productive activity and spend time with others I call good friends, my family. I fill my time and see my tribe...but I will never get them back. We will see each other again in the next life, wherever that may be, and until then I will live for them, cherish every moment I am alive, every moment I am breathing. To do otherwise would be a disservice to them and their legacy. Their names, their faces, and their memories live on in me and those they loved, and I will carry them until the day I leave this earth. In addition to losing so many close friends, I have also talked a few off the ledge. They are now living vibrant, full lives and are happy to be where they are. I am glad I was there at their most desperate time to give them another point of view and listen to them vent.

More on the events that have taken place over the years, I moved to Colorado and I am loving this state; the mountains and trails, the people, and the fact that whenever I return to sea level and go for a run or work out, I feel like a superhero given the adaptation to a higher altitude. I was evicted because of a lying manchild roommate's lack of responsibility. I lost a good place because of him and we went separate ways. We owed the apartment management a hefty payment (the rest of rent for the month we missed, late fees, charges, and legal fees), and since I was the only responsible one who showed up to court for our summons, the debt was tacked onto my record. One of my brothers told me that debt I paid off was the fee I paid to never see him again. I can agree to that, it will be no skin off my back if I never run into him.

My mother had cancer, had it taken out, and is not just surviving, but thriving. After all she's been through in life, she deserves a relaxing rest of her years. She has done much to contribute to the community, and help enrich me and my siblings' lives as we grew up.

I went inactive with the Army for two years and I did private security contracting in Europe. I met many great people, traveled a great deal, enjoyed amazing food, learned a little of the local languages wherever I visited, even took a Serbian girlfriend for awhile. This was the experience I've been searching for; new places and languages, different flags, new food, a change of scenery. I had to get outside the states for awhile, clear my head but also discover new things and people, make new memories. I believe everyone, absolutely everyone, needs to travel outside their country before they die. Some aren't even fortunate enough to go outside their home state! And travel as in fly to another region of the world and stay for at least three days. Going on cruises is cool and they come with their own set of memories and fun-filled experiences, but I feel in order to truly experience a new place, you need to step foot outside the touristy areas and check out the eateries and venues that the locals frequent. Granted, not every country has safe areas outside the tourist city centers and you may want to stay there, but the countries that do, you should explore.

After contracting, which I would have done for two or three more years if it wasn't for the chronic, excruciating pain I experienced, I returned stateside and did a little warehouse work then went back to drilling status with the Army Reserve. The pain I was experiencing I felt for over a year; I couldn't sit, couldn't stand up straight, and all I could focus on was getting rid of, or at least alleviating, the pain. I finally received surgery in July 2019 and it was a long, painful recovery until April 2020. I am forever grateful to not be in that same, dark headspace and painful existence. I would meditate often to try and block out the pain, and that worked to an extent, and at times I would need to meditate in order to get my heart rate so low to the point of sleep so I could actually sleep. Eventually there were days I contemplated ending my life. I've been down that dark road before, and although I said I would never go there again...I did. A friend talked me off the ledge, justifying why I shouldn't take my life, and the reasons were increased when I thought of my friends and family and how they would feel after I was gone before my time. It is said warriors need something to fight, or else they'll fight themselves. I would always see the need, the reason, the threat needing to be fought, outside my head, externally. Little before did I realize the greatest enemy to fight can be inside your own head. My enemy was the horrible pain that infected every waking hour, and in turn, it was my thoughts that were fighting to keep the wolves at bay. My inner voice was struggling to keep from drowning, but with that much pain every single day without reprieve, and pain meds that would only last maybe an hour, it was undoubtedly a struggle. That experience has allowed me to empathize with others who go through chronic pain. I have a new perspective on life, not only through the eyes of someone living with constant suffering, but one that has been brought on by gratitude with every passing second that I am alive, healthy, and have freedom of movement. Ever since my suffering has passed and I have conquered that dark era of my life, through not only a strong support system but a resilient mindset, I have enjoyed every bit of my time here on earth---even through the loss of a friend, heartbreak, or another negative external situation. It is important to have an "Attitude of Gratitude."

A couple more high points, I took part in my friend's movie (he's a local filmmaker) and the distributor made a contract with Hulu. It was available to watch on that streaming service for awhile until the contract was, to my guess, not renewed, and then it went to Amazon. On another note, but in relevance to the entertainment industry and acting, a friend and I met the cast of Supernatural during a Supernatural Convention. All of the cast, through all 15 seasons and 15 years of the show, are salt-of-the-earth individuals, all very kind and grateful for their fans, willing to chat for a bit and actually engage in conversation and genuinely care for each and every one of the people who have stuck with them through the years. The Supernatural (SPN) fandom is a family, and I see why; the cast and crew had fun on set filming the show, and every guest who has played a role in an episode has stated everyone (even the big-name show regulars) showed them kindness and welcomed them into the family, To add, even the fandom is always willing to help with something, answer a question, and be there for emotional, moral, even financial support. I know I'm going off on a tangent but since we're discussing the SPN Family, I feel it needs to be said: Misha Collins, one of the main actors of the show, created a nonprofit called Random Acts. Here is their mission:

Random Acts inspires acts of kindness around the world both big and small. We provide a vast network of caring people with the encouragement and support they need to change lives for the better. All of these acts of kindness contribute to a bigger story, a message that Random Acts embodies and promotes — that you too can conquer the world one random act of kindness at a time.

 

 In closing, I have been away, but thankfully I am still alive. New memories have been created, both positive and negative, and much time has passed. Humility is important to inner peace and respect, resilience is key in getting over, under, or through obstacles, and no matter what we go through in life, we should not rush to our death. As it is said, "Life is a journey, not a destination." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

"I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world."

- Mary Anne Radmacher

"Tough times never last, but tough people do."

- Robert H. Schuller

Modern Samurai Shows Phenomenal Feat

When I am presented with something seemingly miraculous, right away I don't think "impossible," because many things thought impossible in this world have been proven true (unexplained phenomenon) or have been accomplished (a certain goal). I do not immediately think it is impossible, but I am skeptical until I see it for myself and---being curious---until I research it, dig deeper into the situation. One such event is a Modern Samurai using a katana (Samurai sword) to slice in half an oncoming 83-84 mph baseball and, ultimately, a tiny white bb gun pellet traveling at 200 mph.

Isao Machii, a modern-day Samurai from Japan, claims he has an incredible reaction time. Stan Lee's (the co-creator of Marvel Comics) show Superhumans has Machii san perform (and prove) his ability. It is absolutely astounding what Machii san can execute:

Hopefully you watched the amazing video. My thoughts and beliefs on Machii san's superior reaction time is simple:

Dr. Durvasula states Isao Machii is on a totally different level of anticipatory processing. Being a warrior, Machii san was most likely stepping into Mushin, "the Void," the empty meditative state that all extremely disciplined warriors go to for focus. The professor described he's like a perfectly calibrated machine, that "this is about processing at an entirely different sensory level, because he's not visually processing..." and the host of the show goes on to add that Machii san disengages his thought processes, "reacting in a purely instinctive way." With steel focus and extreme discipline, mushin combines the body and mind as one, putting it in perfect harmony and (in computer gaming terms) "eliminating the ping." There is no "lag" in Machii san's connection of signals from the brain to the body, his reaction to the baseball or bb is, as it is put, purely instinctual, whereas a normal person's reaction time would be significantly lower, resulting in a likely miss of the projectile. It is outstanding how Machii san can even see the white pellet shot from the gun, and given the speed, size of both pellet and thinness of the sword, and hand-eye coordination (or, in his situation, coordination of a different level), that he was able to slice it, let alone even hit it. To make it more difficult, Machii san has to unsheath the katana first, he is not just holding it out, ready to strike. What I love is, living by the code of Bushido, he said he could slice the bullet (pellet) in half, so after the first attempt, he didn't want to fall back on his word....so he made it happen. I admire that honor and integrity.

A superb job well-done, just goes to show there is more to the human mind and body than what is commonly taught/known.

Warrior Values Comparison

All throughout Basic Combat Training, Drill Sergeants habituate recruits to reciting the Soldier's Creed. There are an abundance of facts and nomenclature and other things one needs to learn to go in front of a military board, or to remember simply because it's general knowledge and it can be helpful to know so one can possibly apply it later on. One canon Soldiers need to know, and it is extremely important to live by, are the Army Values. Without the Army Values, Soldiers have no discipline, no ethical backing for personal and professional support.

There are seven Army Values, and they are:

1. Loyalty
2. Duty
3. Respect
4. Selfless Service
5. Honor
6. Integrity
7. Personal Courage

There is an interesting and intensely notable comparison between these seven values and the Seven Virtues of Bushido. The Seven Virtues are:

1. Loyalty
2. Benevolence
3. Respect
4. Honesty
5. Honor
6. Rectitude
7. Courage

Now, honesty, and rectitude can both take the reigns as integrity since rectitude is defined as "rightness of principle or conduct; moral virtue," and synonyms for rectitude include "integrity" and "principle." The relation and repeated value just goes to show that integrity is extremely substantial to being a disciplined warrior. Without honesty, without integrity, an individual is simply a lying fool, a person who is no better than a thief. It's no surprise that the Army would share the same moral principles as Bushido, seeing as the Soldier and the Samurai* are archetypal warriors.

*Not all samurai were noble, of course, and there were even periods of history when the code of Bushido was used for evil/bad intentions. One of said periods was the Pearl Harbor attack in 1941. The Japanese military brainwashed its forces into believing their morals for the kamikaze attack were from Bushido, and in actuality, it later became known as "Dark Bushido."

Written in skin

Taking the unwritten code of ethics called Bushido and applying all the teachings I have learned over the years, the code of honor is a warrior philosophy that is my life and has been for quite some time. I continually try to educate and enlighten, essentially help others in having good morals and keeping a positive mindset, and acquire self-confidence by assisting them to reach their potential, because as Mahatma Gandhi once expressed, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Since Bushido is my philosophy and its teachings are my character, it means a great deal to me. I decided to get a tattoo, showing a small, but significant, physical commitment to my virtues and discipline.

I thought about it for a few years and it is said if you want a tattoo, it is good to keep it in your mind for at least three years, because you may not want it later. People change, so if you believe it still holds significance in your life after three years, pull the trigger in getting the tat. I finalized my decision and got it inked down my spine. Why there you ask, and didn't it hurt!? I wanted the three characters going down my spine because one, Japanese is written vertically, and two, yes it did hurt but that was the temporary pain I gladly endured to again show my commitment to my code of honor. Besides, it felt good after a while, like a numbing feeling.

The word "Bushido," meaning "Way of the Warrior," can be split into either two or three parts.
Bushi= "Warrior" Do= "Way" or "Path"

or

Bu="War" or "Martial" Shi="Warrior" Do="Way"

Erasmus' 22 Principles

Desiderius Erasmus was a Dutch Renaissance humanist, monk, and theologian born in Rotterdam in 1466. He was committed to his work and held strong to doctrines such as free will. In the year 1492, poverty forced Erasmus to become a monk, and although he was offered many positions of honor and profit through the academic world, Erasmus declined them all, much rather wanting to stick with the sufficient, though uncertain, rewards of independent literary activity. Many great works were sold by Erasmus, including a certain Enchiridion militis Christiani, which is one of his most influential works. The title means "Handbook of the Christian Knight (or Soldier)." In it are values to follow and principles to help the mending of your evil, or wrong, ways. Generally speaking, a literary work on how to improve your life. Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, whom I mentioned in a previous post of 2009, has a collection of twenty-two virtues from this short work in his astounding book, On Combat. Here are the twenty-two principles on how to be strong while remaining virtuous in a dangerous world:

Increase Your Faith

Even if the entire world appears mad.

Act Upon Your Faith

Even if you must undergo the loss of everything.

Analyze Your Fears

You will find that things are not as bad as they appear.

Make Virtue The Only Goal Of Your Life Dedicate all your enthusiasm, all your effort, your leisure, as well as your business.

Turn Away from Material Things

If you are greatly concerned with money you will be weak of spirit.

Train Your Mind To Distinguish Good And Evil

Let your rule of government be determined by the common good.

Never Let Any Setback Stop You In Your Quest

We are not perfect--this only means we should try harder.

If You Have Frequent Temptations, Do Not Worry

Begin to worry when you do not have temptation, because that is a sure sign that you cannot distinguish good from evil.

Always Be Prepared for an Attack

Careful generals set guards even in times of peace.

Spit, As It Were, In The Face Of Danger Keep a stirring quotation with you for encouragement.

There Are Two Dangers: One Is Giving Up, The Other Is Pride

After you have performed some worthy task, give all the credit to someone else.

Turn Your Weakness Into Virtue

If you are inclined to be selfish, make a deliberate effort to be giving.

Treat Each Battle As Though It Were Your Last

And you will finish, in the end, victorious!

Don't Assume That Doing Good Allows You To Keep A Few Vices.

The enemy you ignore the most is the one who conquers you.

Weigh Your Alternatives Carefully

The wrong way will often seem easier than the right way.

Never Admit Defeat Even If You Have Been Wounded

The good soldier's painful wounds spur him to gather his strength.

Always Have A Plan Of Action

So when the time comes for battle, you will know what to do.

Calm Your Passions By Seeing How Little There Is To Gain

We often worry and scheme about trifling matters of no real importance.

Speak With Yourself This Way:

If I do what I am considering, would I want my family to know about it?

Virtue Has Its Own Reward

Once a person has it, they would not exchange it for anything.

Life Can Be Sad, Difficult, And Quick: Make It Count For Something!

Since we do not know when death will come, act honorably everyday.

Repent Your Wrongs Those who do not admit their faults have the most to fear.

Feeling is Believing

When we, as human beings, are met with certain situations we get goosebumps and our gut feeling, our intuition, lets us know how our minds feel about the situation at hand. It can be a street we feel edgy about walking through, or a place we enjoy so much it lightens our mood. That gut feeling is instinct, and our instinct can be either a bad vibe or a good feeling. Perhaps one day you meet a person and just by shaking their hand or talking with them for a moment you feel comfortable and possibly even cheerful by their presence. Granted, it may be so because you are having a nice day, but that is not always the case. That person can be emitting a good vibe that you walked into and are now a part of. Or is it you who created the vibe because your mind or body told you that this person is not a threat, or they have good intentions toward you upon a first impression?

Vibes can be felt in a specific atmosphere or with a group of certain people, like your intuition when you feel a certain area of town is not too safe or when a person's energy feels "off" and you get a bad vibe from them. You don’t see them but they are there. You feel them. Perception of an atmosphere and energy that a person perceives from another is sometimes referred to as an aura. You can feel or sense a person’s aura when they walk by or look you in the eyes, or when two individuals conduct intimacy (energy given off with actions like touching, hugging, and kissing are originally stronger than usual). Again, we don’t see these energies, these auras, but we feel them. They are all around us.

So next time you travel outside your front door, try to concentrate on the energies around you, feel the vibrations of the person sitting next to you on a subway, standing near you in a bookstore or standing in front of you in line at a supermarket. Sense the energy from a place in which you feel nostalgic. You can’t see it but you never thought about it before. Now do you feel it?

Referring back to intuition, it is defined as a “direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension.” What if that is what enlightenment feels like, or how the Creator wanted us to live originally?

Comprehension

When I was reading one of my few books one day, about two weeks ago, I was hit with this wild epiphany. I may sound crazy, like a lunatic, but I'm not. I'm weird but I'm not crazy! Now, I am more spiritual than religious, and you may be whatever you may be or believe, but for argument's sake, let's be on the same page here and bring in the bible. Adam and Eve in the beginning were blissful, had no sense of right and wrong, good or evil. They had unlimited knowledge without the certain inhibitions; until they ate the forbidden fruit and they became awakened to right and wrong, good and bad. Then they felt shame and embarrassment for their being naked. Then God kicked them out of the garden. Well, check this out.

It is a Buddhist belief that before we were born into these physical, temporary shell bodies, we were once a part of the vast ocean in the universe. We were a drop in that ocean of comfort, warmth, truth, and unlimited wealth of knowledge. Now, in these bodies, we strive for enlightenment (at least many spiritual people do), or at least a better understanding of everything, and we meditate and meditate and contemplate the workings of people and the universe, we contemplate everything, just to be awakened to the bigger picture. We meditate to be enlightened or awakened...that enlightenment that the Buddha and the Dalai Lama and many other masters like Vernon Kitabu Turner and O Sensei Morehei Ueshiba (the founder of Aikido) have acquired is that original, unadulterated wealth of knowledge we used to have, before we left that ocean, before Adam and Eve ate from that fruit....we meditate to once again be apart of that mind, to find that truth of the universe! We meditate to be awakened to that state we were supposed to be in. When Adam and Eve bit from the fruit, and once we grow to a reasonable age, they (and we) analyze(d) things, think of everything and try to solve everything and piece together everything through Logic, through Reasoning, but we were never supposed to in the first place. Because in the universe, in our vast ocean of warmth, comfort, truth.....there was no need for reasoning and logic; it just WAS. JUST LIKE what Buddhism TEACHES: IT JUST IS!

We started rationalizing in the first place because when many of us reach a certain age, we get curious about everything; we start researching, conversing with people, traveling, reading, watching, learning ALL we can to better understand this world and our purpose for existing. It's like something or someone WANTS us to learn, see how far we can get on our own. Why would we all be here on earth if we were all happy and content and comfortable and knew the truth already? Why would earth and humans and animals exist? What IS our purpose? Some may say it's to be tested in this life, and that may be true. Or it can be something deeper. It's up to you to interpret.

"Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself."